Letter from Dear dear to Dear dear

To my dear dear:

I know that things haven't been at all easy for you. It hasn't been a bed of roses. I admit that many times I wonder why you don't just give up and find someone else who can fulfill your dreams, who can give you a mother-in-law who is loving, who is willing to accept you for the beautiful person that you are. You have so many suitors... many times I ask, why choose me?

And yet even as I ask myself that question, I am grateful that you have stood by my side. Many other girl would have left for greener pastures... you are still here and you are choosing to believe in me and my family. You are allowing Daddy to change you and to refine you. You are persevering in the midst of an extreme trial and undeserved persecution. More and more each day, you are becoming the girl i've always dreamed of marrying. I can feel your sacrificial love...

I just want to say... thanks. I appreciate all that you have done. I appreciate you allowing yourselves to be molded in thisway. I appreciate you not hating my mom for what she has done and for the way she treats you. I appreciate you for choosing to believe in me even when few other people do so.

You are beautiful dear. You are a princess... and I thank Daddy for giving you to me. Though in this coming period of time we might not meet... but know and remember and believe that I am always thinking of you. I remember all my promises to you. I will come and collect you and to give you a wonderful wedding and a beautiful, lasting marriage. I will treasure and cherish the person that you are. I will set up a Daddy-filled family in partnership with you. I love you, and I know that you are the only girl that I ever want to marry. If I don't marry you... I will not marry at all.

Thank you...

I need you to believe with me, that Daddy will change this situation around, that Daddy will teach my mommy how to love and accept you, and to teach me and you how to love and understand my mommy more.

Do not be discouraged and do not despair ok? Daddy knows us and Daddy knows how we feel. He knows the situation we are facing and He will change it, not only for the better, but rather, for the best... for His best. We only need to trust Him and to always believe.

I love you always,

Your dear dear...

Reflections (29th Nov)

It has been a long time since I've consistently updated my journal. So many things have happened and I haven't had the time to adequately reflect on all that has taken place. I feel that I have lost myself, just living life letting it take me where it wants to lead me. I try in every area of my life to be in control, to live it well... but I fear that I'm not succeeding in the way that I hoped. Yes I try my best, but often in my own strength. I feel that I need to relearn being in submission to God and to what He wants and wills for my life. I have given Him my life 3 years back, and yet now, 3 years on, in many areas I have tried to take my life back from Him. I know, in my heart, just what I have to do, and I know that these coming 2 years are what God has prescribed for my ailment. He has given me the opportunity to find myself again, not the worldly me with all its cravings and lusts, but the spiritual me which will bring glory to Him. Right now, I feel so far from that ideal, but yet, I know God is still wooing me, still whispering into my heart and beckoning me to return.

Will I return? I have to. There is no other way for me to go. I need that divine wisdom, and that divine strength to take me through the winding valley paths.

God has put a great test and trial in my life. This whole incident with Mae, my Mom, and me has indeed placed a great burden in my heart. All along, my relationship with my mom has been far from perfect, due to a strong clash of characters and priorities in life. I am a dreamer, and she is a worrier. She likes to play safe, while I am one who dares to be different.

I have come to realise that to deal with difficult situations like these, the best way is to try to bridge the gap by showing my mom that I still love her, and that I am willing to sacrifice my wedding plans for her. And yet, I have to make it clear that I will not go on sacrificing forever, if there is no concession on her side.

The ball is in her court. She has a choice- to accept me for the person that I am, or to remain as stubborn and as inflexible as she is. I have already told her the consequences of each choice.

I hope and pray that she will change and to open up, but if she is not willing to do so even after I have humbled myself in this way, then I will have to withdraw myself from the family.

I do so not rejecting my family, but rather, realising that my family does not understand and appreciate the person that I am.

I love my mom... I have always loved her. I have lived my life always wanting to do her proud. I hope and pray that somehow she will realise that in me, she has a son that has done her proud.

I don't believe I ask for much as a son, just love, and acceptance, and an appreciation of all that I contribute to the family.

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Please help my mom realise that she needs to let go of all her hurts and her worries. Please help her open up to you so she can be healed. Please show her just how much you love her. Please show her that my dear dear can be a very good daughter-in-law. Daddy I know you have your timing, but I ask for your grace in helping my mom soon. She has suffered for so long and so has my dear dear... please Daddy answer my prayer... I love you...

Len

More Crying

Was upset again today because my dear dear was upset and wanted to give up... that made me very upset... then I cry cry cry.... after that my dear dear changed her mind... then I was happy again... but still quite upset...
my brother came into my room to check out what was wrong... and then later my mom came in as well... i just rambled on and on about how upset I was with my mom. It hasn't been an easy time... many times I just feel so lost and don't know what to do... I don't like upsetting people but it seems like I always do things to upset those I love around me. I feel quite unappreciated and misunderstood. yah.... But i don't blame them ... especially my dear dear, because I know that they are not going through an easy time either. I won't blame my dear dear for anything she she does. I will keep my promises... I know I will...

Sad Sad

sad sad cause dear dear upset and don't know how to cheer her up :(

Lunch with Aunty Jenny and Proud of Dear Dear

After my O-level invigilation duties today, I went to my "aunty's" house for lunch, and had a very good time catching up and updating her on whats been happening in my life. Naturally, I told her about my situation with my mom, about my struggles and the challenges my dear dear and I face as a couple.

She was listening very intently to my sharing and I believe she understood my frustrations. I know that she could see both my mom's point of view (being a mother herself), but at the same time, she could see how my mom was being unreasonable in her words and in her actions.

Anyway, I do not expect her to "side" me in this issue, but I just want to let as many people as possible know the truth of the matter, that I do love my mom a lot, and that I am already doing all that I can to help my mom understand why i am doing what I am doing.

I am extremely proud of my dear dear for choosing this difficult road with me. It is certainly easier for her to find an easier life with someone else, or even easier to insist that I proceed to marry her anyway now in spite of my mom's objections. She is choosing to believe with me that somehow, our heavenly Father will do a miracle, that He will use this trial to do a changing work in each of our lives. She is choosing to exercise faith, even when the situation seems impossible. I am very proud of her. God has changed her to be someone more and more beautiful each day. She has learnt to lay down her dreams, and her desires, and to let God tranform her. Yes we both are still a work in progress, still not perfect, but I know that through this incident, God will refine us and purify and perfect our love to Him and to each other. I have no doubt that my dear dear is the one I want to marry. I know that I don't want any other girl. I know that I will keep my commitment to come back for her after the 2 years. I know and I trust that God will take care of her in this 2 years better than I ever can. We choose to trust and to believe... Who will believe with us?

Adjusting and Bracing Ourselves

Meeting more or less everyday... cherishing all the time that we have left... bracing ourselves for the challenge ahead. It hasn't been easy, with attacks by satan at least once every day. It especially hasn't been easy for my dear dear. She has been trying her best to adjust, but it isn't coming easy. I can only be as patient and as loving as I can with her. I know that God has already done a great work in her life, maturing her, refining her, and He is still in the process of making her more and more beautiful. Need to pray and to keep believing in Daddy. He will make a way. He will give us the strength to carry through

Dear Dear love love...

Dear dear, I know that it has been hard on you.
satan is attacking you like mad and he wants to steal your peace, and your freedom, and your blessing.
We need to really be focussed together with Daddy in the centre to defeat the plans of the evil one.
We need to be strong in Daddy. We can not give up.
I just want to say again that I am proud of you and I am always believing in you.
Lets trust Daddy that he will lead the way for us out of the valley of the shadow of death, into green pastures.
Love you always

Promise 32

Everything will be alright and we will live happily ever after

Promise 31

for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, till death do us part

Promise 30

we will always pray for our kids so that they grow up to be beautiful and mighty men and women for Daddy

Promise 29

dear dear and I will bring up our little ones in the faith and with love and affection, always giving them the hugs that they need

Promise 28

I will set up a wonderful home together with dear dear with daddy as the focus

Promise 27

I will cuddle my dear dear to sleep every night after we get married

Promise 26

I will marry dear dear and buy a nice house with an open toilet

Promise 25

I will always be encouraging to my dear dear

Promise 24

If they use super glue, I will use thinner to wash away the glue

Promise 23

I will shake shake shake until all other bear bears fall down and concuss

Promise 22

I will not allow any other bear to climb up this tree

Promise 21

I will love my dear dear more and more each day

Promise 20

I will miss my dear dear all the time

Promise 19

I will think of my dear dear all the time

Promise 18

I will pray every day for Daddy to work a miracle

Promise 17:

I will go to church as much as I can ;)

Promise 16:

I will work on the blissful pigsty part 2 etc

Promise 15:

I will update webpage

Promise 14:

I will email and write letters ;)

Promise 13:

I will update my blog often

Promise 12:

I will watch every movie my dear dear watches

Promise 11:

I will sms like crazy

Promise 10:

I will call my dear dear often and put her to sleep

Promise 9:

I will tell my dear dear exactly where I went and what I did every day

Promise 8:

Besides diamond ring, still have diamond pendant and err "diamond" cross

Promise 7:

I give diamond ring as a sign of my commitment

Promise 6:

I will deposit money in our joint account every month

Promise 5:

I will come and collect my dear dear after 2 years, even if she give up

Promise 4:

Even if my dear dear give up, I will not give up

Promise 3:

I will not marry any other girl if I don't marry dear dear

Promise 2:

I will marry my dear dear after 2 years

Promises

Promise 1: I will always love my dear dear

The 2 year challenge

So the gauntlet has been laid down... If I don't meet my dear dear for 2 years, then my mom will consider accepting her. A completely crazy, and unfair proposition, but if that is what it takes, then so be it. After these 2 years, I won't stand for any one telling me I haven't tried or done my best to be a "filial son." My heart goes out to my dear dear, and to my mom. Yes, I am caught in between, a giant sandwich, but somehow I believe that it is going to turn out for good. The evil that satan intended will turn out for good. Humanly, we won't be able to survive. But because we both believe God is in this, somehow we can get through.