On my way to Myanmar

On my way to Myanmar with mixed feelings. The last day has been such a difficult one. I believe that satan is trying all ways and means to distract me, to discourage me. I've been made to feel so weak, so useless, so helpless. I feel the weight of the burdens of Mae and my Mom on my shoulders. It has been so difficult to concentrate, to prepare for the trip. Honestly I've been having second thoughts about going on the trip. Sometimes I have been tempted to ask, "why God?" I'm choosing to honour you, to sacrifice, to submit myself, and yet still the road is so difficult. I see what Mae is going through and I feel terrible. Why is she allowed to go through all these stuggles, trials, and to endure all this unfair treatment? Why do I have no answers, no words to say that can actually make her feel better... to make it easier for her to handle this trial. She is being overwhelmed. And on the other hand, my Mom is also being overwhelmed... and I am caught in between. Sometimes I ask, why can't I just not bother about protocol, why can't I just rebel, for a change. It is certainly so much easier just to consider myself being rejected by my family. I can then just concentrate on living a happy life.