A Trying Christmas

It has certainly been a long and eventful weekend- one of the most trying Christmases I've had. Christmas Eve, we took William out to celebrate his birthday. We wanted to make it a meaningful day for him, especially because this year hasn't been an easy year for him at all. We didn't want him to stay at home to brood over things, so we brought him out for dinner…

Before dinner I had a slight disagreement with my dear dear, and it made both of us in an uneasy frame of mind for the dinner.

We had dinner at Suki Sushi, an excellent sushi restaurant with a fantastic sushi buffet deal. We were eating away trying to make the most of the situation, to be happy so that William will have a pleasant day to remember.

That was when my mom called, to ask if I'd be back for dinner on New Year's eve. I asked her if she was giving me the choice, and that if she was giving me the choice I'd rather be out because I probably have dinners to attend elsewhere. She got rather upset at this and passed a comment that my schedule was "the same as before." This comment really really upset me. Here I was, trying to respect my mom, calling of the wedding, agreeing to her unreasonable 2-year plan, and trying my best to be home as much as I can… and all these efforts seemed in vain. All she could do was to criticize my schedule. I was angry and upset, and I shouted at her over the phone in the restaurant. I blew my top…

We ended up having a long argument over the phone, and she got so upset that she started calling herself satan, and refusing to talk to me, hanging up the phone on me.

I really regretted losing my temper at her. I realize that it was not the right thing to do… and yet, at that moment, it was so difficult to keep my cool. I sat there wondering if all my efforts to please my mom, to show her that I respect her and that I love her have gone to waste.

I regret losing my patience, and in so doing, spoiling William's birthday. I was quite touched that he was so understanding about it… but I felt so useless… wanting to make the day special for him, but in the end, ruining it with my actions and my words. He was very nice to be there for us on that day, especially to comfort my dear dear. He really is a good brother to me.

The next day we had family lunch at my uncle's place… my mom went about as though nothing was wrong. I was glad that she was enjoying herself, but I was upset at how superficial her attitude seemed. On one hand, she wants this family thing… and yet on the other hand, this family thing does not seem to include true acceptance and understanding and respect. Everything has to be so prim and proper. I do believe in family, but I desire a family that respects each other through thick and thin, though commonalities and differences, though good times and bad times.

I don't believe I ask for very much, just that my mom will respect my choices, my decisions, my life. I don't see why she has to get so upset over my choice of a life partner… after all, is she going to spend the rest of her life with my dear dear, or am I?

Well… when we all went home, I wanted to talk to my mom to clear things up, but unfortunately, there were 2 guests in our house and my mom didn't think it appropriate to talk at that moment… I was, however, just wanting to clear things up and I got really upset… my mom didn't want to talk but she asked me to clear up the mess that she had created- she burnt up the one year old box of chocolate last night.

I just went into my room and started crying and crying. I was so upset. I just didn't know what to do.

Thank God that even when I was utterly lost and in despair, He reached out to pull me back. He retrieved the situation. Eventually I had a good talk with my mom, and we both resolved to keep trying to make things work. She didn't say much… most of the talking was done by me as I poured out my heart to her. I tried to explain things in as fair and as objective a way as I knew how to.

Thank God that what satan meant for evil, God turned for His good. Satan wants to tear my family apart and to work through each of us, but God is turning the situation around for His purposes.

I certainly hope that the next Christmas will be a better one…

I hope and I pray that God will make a way…