Another week

It has been another week since i've last made an entry into my blog. Another tough stressful week.

I wonder if i am able to cope with life and all its up and downs. I used to think that somehow everything is going to be alright... but it seems nowadays, that carefree attitude is increasingly hard to maintain. Indeed i'm finding it hard to cope in practically every area of my life. I am dissatisfied with the way I work, how inefficient I seem to be. I can't seem to curb my urges to procrastinate. I increasingly have thoughts to just run away from it all... to just seek peace and solitude away from all the pressure and all the heartache. But the weight of responsibility and love keeps me rooted where I am.

I long for happier days... I seem to have let the joy of the Lord slip away sometime while I wasn't noticing. I miss the days when I used not to have a care in the world (though I had problems). I seemed to be able to just cast all my cares upon Him... to really trust him through all my trials... This time, my trials and my struggles seem to be a much bigger mountain than before. It seems that there are few people who actually understand my struggle.

I know the solution- just trust and obey... to spend more time with Jesus... to let Him release me from all my hurts and frustrations... all my pain and disappointment. I need to meet the Healer again, to just soak in His love. I need a fresh touch of joy.

God hear my cry I pray. You are the only person who truly knows me... you understand me more than I even understand myself. I know you know the pain that I am going through because you have gone through even greater pain and even greater suffering than I could ever imagine. How can I compare to what you have gone through for me. How can my present pain compare to all that you unjustly suffered for my sake.

Daddy, forgive me. I know that I am feeble and I am weak. I have not loved you with my whole heart. I have not lived my whole life for you. I haven't put you first and I have tried to take matters into my own hands.

Lord I pray you guide me and you give me strength for each brand new day. Help me to start each day afresh. Help me not to be weighed down by my circumstances but teach me how to rise above it all and to soar on eagle's wings.

Lord teach me how to fly... I don't want to drown anymore. I want to touch you. I want to fall in love with you over and over and over again. I want to be transformed into your image, to become more and more like you. Lord I yield to you. Lord I forgive all those who have hurt me. I release forgiveness... I release myself from my hurts and disappointments and my pain. Lord heal me and give me your joy again.

Help me to be an effective witness where you have placed me. Help me Lord. Without you I am nothing, but with you I can be everything that you want me to be.

I love you Lord, but teach me to love you more.

Lord... thank you... for just being you...
Thank you for ever being gracious and forgiving.

Lord thank you...